We are the change

Snog, Marry, Avoid: social media and the virgin blogger

I’m Salli Glover.  I’m at the helm of a start-up and I know a thing or two about my industry – I can coach and motivate even the most powerful women to within an inch of their life.

But when it comes to the world of social media I have been left feeling inept, confused and thoroughly out of my depth. A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post called ‘Are you a digital Muppet?’ and I have a strong suspicion that I was probably her inspiration for the piece.

There is something to be said for being new (or late) to the party. You get a real journey. It’s a pretty crowded world out there and, taking your first steps to finding your voice and your audience, you head to google and type “how to…”

Which is exactly what I did, simultaneously kissing goodbye to a couple of weeks of my life. There’s always another e-book, a newsletter, a video series. You find endless number of self styled gurus. You begin to think it’s not possible to master it all (Twitter, Ecademy, Linkedin, Facebook – don’t even get me started on Pinterest!) It was rather like being a teenager on a first date again; fraught with anxiety, anticipation and well, frankly, just trying too darned hard.

The benefits of social media may be huge, but the pitfalls of getting it wrong are endless, so I decided to have a closer look at the good, the bad and the ugly of online marketing approaches. Or, sticking with my dating theme, what I call ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid’.


You know the type – looks flashy and impressive up-front, but the novelty wears off really fast. To be honest, I’d be quite flattered to be considered a snoggable blogger, especially having reached the age of chin-hair and wrinkles when my first thought on entering a trendy bar is ‘is this actual music? And does it have to be so loud?’ But flattery aside, I for one don’t want to be somebody’s one-hit-wonder or, worse still, tomorrow’s spam.

I recently developed an online girl crush on a brazen, trendy, funny American chick. She was bold, she was rebellious, she was shocking – ah swoon, how I adored her. I loved her so much I actually wanted to be her. I imagined that these were my blog posts entertaining my avid readers with risqué repartee and feisty, funny truths. Surely she was THE one?

Are you kidding? Two weeks later and we were ‘like, SO OVER’. In other words, she was spam. The rebellious, cool-kid swearing and straight for the jugular approach that I had once (well, very recently actually) adored about this tweeting icon was actually getting on my nerves. It’s a bit like those TV comedy series that only work when you watch them once a week – try watching the whole DVD set in one sitting and it rapidly loses its appeal.

So, her novelty had worn off, our romance waned and I never even bought any of her stuff. Room 101. You’re fired. Bye bye…



Ah, marriage. The holy grail of getting your social media courting rituals right. You talk my language; I want to be with you forever. Take me, I’m yours.

Online I am currently marrying Seth Godin. Yes I know, as obvious a choice as Brad Pitt is in the world of celebrity, but I always was predictable in the hero-selection department. I am compelled by his values and his talk of building tribes. I am filled with admiration for his no-stalking policies. He’s a little bit hard to get but not quite out of reach. And he’s funny. Genuinely funny. He recently released an education manifesto called “stop stealing dreams.” This guy is a marketing specialist but he communicates to the world what he cares passionately about rather than selling his products all the time. And people love it.

In real life when we consider finding The One we build up slowly; first a date to see if we get on, a further month to check that this one compares favourably with the others on the market and if so, a few months more to make sure that we are heading in the same direction and really have things in common. Then we live together and see how that pans out – and then finally if we haven’t killed each other, we may decide to get hitched.

Google recently conducted their Zero Moment of Truth research into the number of ‘touchpoints’ customers make prior to making an online purchasing decision. It’s research I highly recommend – check out this Youtube clip about it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmM9qfzfzhw.

Very rapidly with the onset of multiple online platforms the number of touchpoints required by consumers has risen from 5 in 2009 to just over 10 in 2012. That’s a minimum TEN dates required if you want us to commit our time, energy or money to your brand or services – and they’d better be good dates, as there are plenty, PLENTY of other fish in the sea waiting to tempt us away.

I am actually getting hitched myself this year, and on reflection I saw another striking similarity between finding The One and the best of online media[T G2] . My man’s not some showy Prince Charming or superhero or Seth or Brad, but he is a great fit for me, with a shared vision and values, and well, he ‘gets me’. He remains a work in progress and is perfectly flawed but in all the ways that make me feel most at home in myself. He makes my world a better place, my life feel more straightforward, not more complicated and I know that I am deeply cared for by someone who has all my best interests at heart. He’s a keeper. I DO!



So finally we come to the Avoids; the nasty marketers that spam-stalk you relentlessly; the ones trying to shove their virtual tongue down your throat on your first date. These are the worst offenders and I don’t know about you but I’m getting it daily, from all directions, and I have no idea how they keep finding me.

Read my stinkingly AWESOME 3 step strategy on how to get rich yesterday…’


‘Sign me up NOW for 5 foolproof ways you can shove your product in my face’.

Urghh. Enough already! Unfollow. Unfriend. Unlike. Unsubscribe. Until never.

And then there are the ones who are just plain DULL. They have about as much chance of holding my attention while they bore me with their tired, stale copy as I do of pulling Brad. Guys, even when you stick a ‘how to’ or ‘7 steps’ on it it’s still The 7 Steps to Dronington. Please, just bore off.


Am I too choosy? Over-fussy? Is this why it took me until age 37 to find The One? Perhaps. And I may be a virgin blogger, but I do know this – there are a lot of players out there in blog-land vying for attention, and unless we present ourselves in just the right way, we won’t get a look in.


So, here are my tips for becoming The One in the world of online –

  1. Too showy, repetitive or novelty based and we’re off – thanks for the snog, it was nice while it lasted.
  2. If you want to stand out as The One, don’t be needy and clingy, be real, have flaws, get to know one another for a while, let them choose you. It’s all about how they feel about themselves after you’ve gone.
  3. Don’t chase, don’t push, don’t make any unexpected advances. And definitely don’t be dull.


Happy Courting!


To read more of Salli Glover’s blogging and social media adventures please visit www.wearescarlett.com and follow her on @wearescarlett

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  1. Hannah says

    Hi Salli,

    What a great way to view the social media world! It can be difficult at first with the massive overwhelm of “gurus” and “experts” out there. For me, I do what I would if we were face to face. I love chatting with people and as an Unnatural Networker it means I can choose who I want to speak with, how to say it and I can choose when to aswell.

    I have some fantastic people that I love to follow and I do a regular clean-up every few months – you haven’t engaged with me so why should I engage with you? Very liberating!

    Just be yourself and you’ll have a great time:)


  2. salli says

    Hi Hannah,

    Thankyou so much for your comment – it took me ages to find me voice and ‘be myself’ – every time I wrote a blog or an article I was definitely trying too hard and then just sounded weird! Maybe my new forte is sharing my online inadequacies with the world – it’s been kinda fun, and at least it’s authentic :))


  3. Hannah says

    Hi Salli,

    Authenticity is key to a fantastic blog! I can’t stand “expert” blogs by people that aren’t passionate about it 🙂 Love your writing (and great to connect on Twitter 🙂 )
    Just be yourself, enjoy it and learn while you go for it!

    I see it as a networking event with people I choose to chat with 🙂


    1. salli says

      Beautiful hannah! I like that – a kind of coffee and a chat – just online xx

  4. Vicki Wusche says

    Hi Salli – great blog again – you are really getting the hang of your voice (If you can hang a voice haa haa)

    The Digital Muppet blog was caused when I got in a “argument” with a fellow online friend and threatened a blog – never a wise idea – still I am number one in Goolge for something 🙂

    Love your metaphor of snogg, marry and avoid – very apt. Shocking how many “avoids” are still out there – probably as a result of an antique set of training seminars and workshops …..

    Have great weekend

    PS to Hannah – the concept of coffee and chatting online is just what the Breakfast Club is about isn’t it??

  5. Ocean WhiteHawk says

    Hi Salli
    Lovely meeting you on Monday!

    Great article – love your voice. I’m the extra-virgin type when it comes to blogging, so I think I have much to learn from you!

    Snog-Marry-Avoid is such a sexy concept for blogging. Juicy! Thanks for the Lesson. Think I will hang my L-plates on…

    Blessings, Ocean

    1. salli says

      Extra virgin – brilliant!!! Thanks so much for your comment Ocean, stay Juicy :))

  6. Jane Hafren says


    Great blog, Salli. And I loved the metaphor, I watched the TV version once or twice, weird… but it’s an attention grabber. And it really works as a way to describe the possibilities and potential pitfalls…

    I have yet to take on ‘the-social-media-proper-dedicated-learning-curve-challenge’ – especially the twitter thing which I find confusing.

    Congrats on getting hitched in the real world, too – enjoy your day and your life when that happens. Great news.

    Looking forward to more from you, loved it!


    Jane 🙂

    1. salli says


      Wonderful to hear from you and thanks so much for the cheering on – Twitter drove me nuts for almost a year, made zero sense and was just an annoying ‘white noise’… but I secretly love it now 🙂
      Let me know if you want a twitter-for-the-total-amateur lesson – often work at royal festival hall if you fancied catching up – it’s been, what 4 years???

      And marriage, I know! Only took me til age 37 – never was an early adopter :))

  7. Loran says

    Really enjoyed this blog salli 🙂 great way / view of how social media can be (and general life-let’s be honest!)
    Glad you’ve found your keeper – omg – predictive text nearly put leper!! Lol
    Looking forward to your next wonderfully-put insights 🙂 loran

    1. salli says

      Leper!!!! Genius, gotta love predictive text 😉

      Thanks for the feedback, I hope to keep making you all chuckle at my misadventures – there are so many to choose from xxx